the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
