I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
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High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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