there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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