Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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