your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
