census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
