I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
