Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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