I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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