im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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