the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
