It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
More tranny stories later!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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