I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
