By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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