you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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