the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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