I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
false alarm. still invincible.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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