we have officially lost it.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
