laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
