My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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