I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
