her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
