I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
