i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
