I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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