i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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