And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
