She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
