I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
