it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
