lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
