I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
