rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You pole danced in your parka.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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