return my video game
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
