the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
