How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
