If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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