the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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