He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
