I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
