rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize