I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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