Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
