i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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