Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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