Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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