she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
