Four minutes until I can fart!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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