I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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