ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
