dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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