Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
