Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
