Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
