you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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