Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
