i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
