Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I faked an abortion last night.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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