I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
