Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
