At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
