insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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