Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
