life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
