Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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