**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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